Red Alert
by cheddarbiscuit
Summary: "I am not here to babysit." Meta-Morphine's cannon.


Red Alert

Disclaimer: I do now own

Summary: "I am not here to babysit."

Note: takes place during Meta-Morphine, (another story of mine), I don't really know when.

I just sort of had the idea, and it was originally going to be with Zim, but I like it better with Red. Red is more... callous... at this point. Besides, Zim's break time is spent with Gaz, and that would have given this story a slightly-less-than-innocent turn, and I want to just write something shamelessly cute and written purely for the giggles, not shamelessly shameless.

* * *

Red pulled another hologram record from the shelf. He had been spending a great deal of time in the record hall aboard the Massive. He often came there to study the lessons of history. It was part of his quest to become the leader the Empire deserved. After all, he was only leader because he was tall, but that did not mean he could not try his best, he realized that now. He needed to learn the lessons the past had to offer. The only way to do that was by reading the comprehensive history records stored on board the Massive's archive room. Why else would Miyuki have ordered this room put in there, in the dead center of the ship, if not for Tallests after her to learn and study?

He was so enthralled in studying that he did not hear the record room's door slide open, and he did not notice the little figure running inside.

He took the hologram record and sat down with it in the chair at the end of the isle. He opened it up and was about to learn about the second war with Plookesia when, suddenly, alarms were sounding everywhere around him and red lights were flashing. It was a red alert. The Tallest dropped the hologram record, standing up. His heart was pounding. What was wrong? Ship malfunction? Had a negligible dent on the outside of the ship just lead to a horrible implosion? Was it an attack from the Resisty? What would they do, their fighterships were completely gone? Had the snack storage compartment been damaged? He took his communicator from his PAK and called into it, "Purple!"

"Yes?"

He asked quickly, "Why is the ship on red alert?"

"Well..." In the image in front of him, Red saw Purple bite his lip as he shifted his eyes, like _something _was worth putting the ship up in arms, but it was _not_ worth tell him. Eventually, his twin confessed, like it was some horrible, ground breaking truth, "Alu's missing!"

Silence. Red eventually growled softly, so softly Purple hardly heard it over the blaring noise. "And he's worthy of ship wide panic?"

"Last time he was seen he was headed towards the engine room. I'm worried he might get in there and hurt himself so if you just got locked in manitence or engineering I'm sorry."

Red ran a hand over his smooth crown, still growling, "Wasn't the _Genocidal Maniac_ watching him?"

"Yes, but he got... Distracted."

Red grumbled something unprintable and cut communications. Dib was _always_ getting distracted and losing track of the kid. It was annoying. It was disgusting. It made Red wonder why he did not just handcuff the two together, it would solve so many problems. If anything, they could just _stop_ making Dib watch him completely. He obviously could not handle the responsibility. It almost seemed like he was maliciously letting him get lost. The idiot was still a child himself! Even _Zim_ could work and keep an eye on him _and_ work at the same time.

Then again, Zim had PAK legs, and was capable of getting quite scary.

He could not read in this aweful din! He bent over with a little difficulty and picked up the hallogram recored he had been reading. He slammed it and set it down on the table beside him. He might as well aide the search.

Red heard a crash over the blaring sirens. He smelled a rat. A street rat. Human. He floated out into the main passage way between the record shelves, following the smell and the sound of a little scrambling human to the far side of the room. There, looking like he had fallen off of the foot ladder and had taken a host of hologram records with him was the human brat Tak had raced back to the Planet's surface to bring on board the Massive.

It was an act of charity that touched the hearts of millions across the galaxy, but it made life on the Massive a near _hell_ for Red. The kid had taken a liking to _him_ it seemed, and Red could not explain why.

"You!"

In the child's defence, his dark eyes looked truly remorseful. He was gathering up the holographic records that had fallen when he tumbled and handed them to Red. The Irken gathered them in one arm and pointed up with the other, "Do you even _hear_ that racket?"

He slowly nodded.

"Okay! Well," Red explained, putting the records away, not really caring about names and dates. He was not upset about the cataloging. He was the only one who used this room, he would remember where the files were. Besides, they were in same _basic _spot so it did not really matter. He was upset about the sirens and lights, "That is called a red alert. It is supposed to be used in extreme emergencies. Do you know why they are sounding it now?"

Alu shook his head.

"It is because you've run off on you own. For the _thrid time_ this week."

He gave Red that innocent, _Are you mad at me?_ look. Red crossed his bionic arms and growled, "Do _not_ give me that look. I am mad and I will remain mad until you learn your lesson."

He cringed.

"Don't act like you're about to get a beating!" Red chided him, "I've never once stuck you, even though you've given me plenty of reasons and the thought _does_ occasionally cross my mind. And don't act like anyone on board this ship has!"

He took Alu's wrist in his claws and pulled him to his feet, dragging him to the record room's exit as he spoke, "You have made it clear that you _do_ understand spoken languages and we have given you the latest in internal translating technology so I know you understand the rules I have laid out for you. You are to remain on the Alpha level. You are to be minded by either Tak, Zim, Dib, or Gaz. Or, on some occasions either GIR and Mimi, or Purple and myself. You are _not_ to wander around the Massive as you please. This ship is _not_ a playground." Then into his communicator he said, "Purple, turn that racket off, I found him."

Purple opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to realise his brother was no one to be crossed at this particular moment. He cut the transmission off and the noise soon stopped afterwards. Red turned back to Alu—

— Who had proceeded to jovially run down the hall. Red swore. Loudly. He followed, naturally, because if he reported back to Purple saying he had _lost_ the very worm baby he had just claimed to have found, his co-ruler would probably self-destruct the entire vessel. It was not hard to grab him by the back of the shirt and hoist him up. Red held him suspeded by the back of his shirt like one would hold an errant puppy by the scruff of the neck. He knew it was wrong to treat the human like a dog, but he found himself giving the boy a light shake before setting him down agian and saying strictly, "Stay."

Alu fixed him with a wide eyed stare, and he did not run away again.

"I am _not_ here to babysit." Red warned him, reaching into his suit and pulled out a tracking device in the guise of a pendant, the basic equivalent of a human dog tag, it was slim, nearly indestructable, and powered by the wearer's body heat, insuring that so long as the wearer lived and wore it, it would transmit a signal. He pressed the button on the center and then held the chain open so he could slip it around the worm-baby's neck. It was meant for Irken soldiers on recon missions, but it would do _just fine_ for a bothersome human that seemed to believe the world was his playground. He stooped over so he could place it around his neck, "There are places on board this ship were you _could_ get— GAH!"

The little brat _yanked his antenna!_

Then he ran away again. Heaving a sigh in frustration, Red raised a hand to his sore attenna. He had activated the tracking device, so running after him was not needed. He could follow at a leisurely pace now, and that was what he aimed to do. The tug on his feeler had left a splitting pain in his head and over his scalp. He was in no mood to give chase. In fact, he was in the mood to go down to communications and find Tak and give her talking too about Alu's disrespect for antennae — she was the only one the human brat _really_ listened to, it seemed. The worm-baby was lucky he had not pulled one completely off yet.

He heard the loud footfalls of another human and turned down the hallway to see a very winded Dib. He came to a sudden halt beside Red, doubling over to catch his breath. When he looked up to see his small quarry was gone he exclaimed through puffs of air,"Thought you said you _found him_."

"He thinks we're playing hide and seek." Red shot back, rummaging around in his PAK for the reciever of the signal, "Little does he know I cheat."

He slapped it in the Dib human's hand. He cringed in pain as the plastic hit his palm and he audibly cried out,"Now this is _not_ my problem." he said floating away, "Keep a better eye on him this time."

~FIN!

* * *

Awwww, wasn't that cute?

I could be persuaded to change this to Red Alert: And other one-shots, or perhaps make this the first chapter to short, comical work centering on Red and his reactions to the stupid human wormbaby, and maybe Purple, which, no, it will not boil down to RaPr, because I consider them to be twins, and twincest is not cute.

Anyway, this was my first attempt at something more lighter-shaded, considering that Meta-Morphine gets pretty intense for me at some times (I've been writing Prof. Membrane's letter, and I was on the verge of tears _within the first paragraph_.) I need to start writing humorous stuff to keep from curling up into a little ball and crying my eyes out.

So, yeah, any one shot requests?


End file.
